This is my official day one. Day one of starting fresh on my diet, workouts, and look out on life. How has it been so far? Meh...nothing to go nuts about but i'm surviving so far.
I've followed my diet plan to a tee which is good. I find it's very easy during the day since I'm so busy with work anyways so my diet barely even crosses my mind. It's the nights that get to me. On the way home, frustrated in traffic, I start thinking of the foods I'd love to eat. Even though I know I shouldn't do it, I still think about it, which is horrible torture. I'm meeting with my trainer tonight so that definitly kept me on track.
As for my soul, it's been a rough day. A man who is a friend, but someone that I love deeply, is moving away for his career; and his gorgeous girlfriend is making the big move with him. I have been an emotional support to him. He didn't know what to do when his gf didn't want to go. I helped him with the right things to say to her to really think about being together forever. They are a wonderful couple and should be together. But...I think a part of me wanted him to ask me to go with him, rather then her who is unbelievably ungrateful of his love. Even though he would never be with me, a fantasy is always there, and now it's broken.
I need to start my own life. My own dreams. I'm stuck here to help my mom out (My Dad passed away 11 months ago, and she's dealing with her own sickness) but it's killing me. I don't want to be here. I don't want to live in this house anymore. I was my own world. I want to move to another city where I have friends, and where my career could take off. I need time for me. My potential is huge, I just need the place and space to grow.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Start of the new me - Day One
Hi There!
So, I am Miss. Potential. I'm a smart, funny, outgoing, sensitive, lovable woman who has alot of potential. I have the potential to go places. Potential to be successful and the potential to be truly happy. The only thing that is stopping me is my weight.
I'm not going to lie. I'm not that fat at all. I'm 150 pounds, but at 5 feet tall. I'm a pretty girl too. I have long, straight strawberry blond hair, blue eyes, nice boobs, white straight teeth. I'm a cute one. But in my head, i'm gross. I'm never thin or pretty enough, and never good enough to hang out with my friends and be with a man, no matter how gorgeous he says I am. My image of myself, along with my weight struggles are bringing me down. I need to push forward.
I have a personal trainer who I love. He's a great friend before being my trainer so that feels great. He listens to my bullshit, calls it bullshit, and pushes me forward. I love it. He helped me lose 17 pounds before and I was hot! But I let it all slip away when the man I loved didn't love me back. So here I am, at 150 lbs, unhappy with the way I look, and trying to push forward. My loneliness pushes me to lose the weight, but the unhappiness pushes me to eat. It's a constant struggle that I am battling.
My goal in my weight loss is to weigh no more than 128 lbs, which is fair for my height and the curviness that I'd like to keep. I would like to weight 125 lbs once I hit my goal. My personal goal is to love what I see in the mirror. To look at my body and my soul, and see someone I love. Right now, i'm self-destructive, so i'm here to make a change.
It's not just the weight. It's about being happy in my own skin. Loving my world around me, and of course loving myself. I'm at the age when I need to make my own life, which can be very difficult. Picking my own path, while trying to not leave anyone behind is key. Being happy with who I am overall is my main focus. By stopping drowing my sorrows with food, I am going to feel the emotions, let them be what they are, and find the real me. The weight loss is just the icing on the cake. (Lol...Ironic that I use FOOD as my analogy eh? I've got a long road ahead)
I'm writing this blog to make my goals real, and to help those who feel the same way I do. My life is changing, I just have to make sure to keep up with it. I'm here to make a change in my life. Forever.
Omg wish me luck! I'm gonna need it. :)
So, I am Miss. Potential. I'm a smart, funny, outgoing, sensitive, lovable woman who has alot of potential. I have the potential to go places. Potential to be successful and the potential to be truly happy. The only thing that is stopping me is my weight.
I'm not going to lie. I'm not that fat at all. I'm 150 pounds, but at 5 feet tall. I'm a pretty girl too. I have long, straight strawberry blond hair, blue eyes, nice boobs, white straight teeth. I'm a cute one. But in my head, i'm gross. I'm never thin or pretty enough, and never good enough to hang out with my friends and be with a man, no matter how gorgeous he says I am. My image of myself, along with my weight struggles are bringing me down. I need to push forward.
I have a personal trainer who I love. He's a great friend before being my trainer so that feels great. He listens to my bullshit, calls it bullshit, and pushes me forward. I love it. He helped me lose 17 pounds before and I was hot! But I let it all slip away when the man I loved didn't love me back. So here I am, at 150 lbs, unhappy with the way I look, and trying to push forward. My loneliness pushes me to lose the weight, but the unhappiness pushes me to eat. It's a constant struggle that I am battling.
My goal in my weight loss is to weigh no more than 128 lbs, which is fair for my height and the curviness that I'd like to keep. I would like to weight 125 lbs once I hit my goal. My personal goal is to love what I see in the mirror. To look at my body and my soul, and see someone I love. Right now, i'm self-destructive, so i'm here to make a change.
It's not just the weight. It's about being happy in my own skin. Loving my world around me, and of course loving myself. I'm at the age when I need to make my own life, which can be very difficult. Picking my own path, while trying to not leave anyone behind is key. Being happy with who I am overall is my main focus. By stopping drowing my sorrows with food, I am going to feel the emotions, let them be what they are, and find the real me. The weight loss is just the icing on the cake. (Lol...Ironic that I use FOOD as my analogy eh? I've got a long road ahead)
I'm writing this blog to make my goals real, and to help those who feel the same way I do. My life is changing, I just have to make sure to keep up with it. I'm here to make a change in my life. Forever.
Omg wish me luck! I'm gonna need it. :)
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